In a few days it’ll be a month till a New Year comes along. Like many other years before, I’ve always had New Years Resolution but I’ve never made any effort in trying to accomplish them. Even if I do try, I tend to get distracted easily and simply forget what it is I’ve set out to do.

This past year has been an interesting path to self discovery. I’ve always known who I am as a person but to admit it out loud and have people I know and love accept it with no judgement is truly a relief. I’ll have to give credit to my friends and family for their continuous support and for lending me their courage.

I’ve always lived my life hiding behind Batman or Eli or whoever it is that’s living in my head and it’s always been safer for me. Me, the every thought and soul that’s inhabiting this vessel of life. Somewhere along as I’m pretending to be fine, I forgot to ask myself if I actually am really fine. Eli would say ‘Fuck yeah I’m happy. I’ve never been more happier’ and of course I’d let him think that and I’ll play along to that emotion because admitting you’re not happy, admitting you’re dissatisfied with your current situation is depressing. And depression isn’t something neither Eli & gang or even me handle well.

But something happened this past few months that just blindsided all of us and as big of a part Eli & gang has played in my life, I knew this was something I had to deal with. Me and no one else. I’ve learned so much and I’m still learning even now. I admit I may not been the best student but I’m willing to learn if given the right chance to. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow up. You may not know what you’ve done but you’ll always have a special place in my heart cause you helped me remember who I am and who I’m supposed to be.

Eli and the rest are still alive but comes out to play less often now that I’ve given myself a chance to understand me. I’m done hiding behind shadows of broken dreams and hopes and it’s time to for me; as cliched and cheesy this may sound but I’m ready for me to shine and break free. Fly like a butterfly or a bat. Whichever.

2012, you need to get ready for a new me. I’ll come charging in with my best friends beside me ready for any challenge you’ll be pushing on to us. Be sure to know that I won’t take no and admit defeat. Goals first and anything else comes second. I sense greatness fast approaching. I just can’t wait to finally start living it and not just dreaming it.

Are you ready?

I am.